For the most part, I use this blog as a sort of journal/scrapbook. I love looking back through old posts to catch glimpses of our life throughout the years. However, I actually do also keep a personal handwritten journal at home.
I have always loved writing and journaling for as long as I can remember. It has always served as an outlet for me when I am feeling stressed or worried to write out all of my thoughts on paper so that they stop swirling around in my head. One of the best journals I ever kept was actually a prayer journal that I used to write out my prayers to the Lord.
Even though there have been many, I didn't keep any of my old journals. I'm not much of a pack rat, and I have moved into so many different homes over the years that it just doesn't serve me well to keep a lot of extra stuff. However, there is one journal that I have kept since I was 19 years old that I hope I never lose or throw away.
I only write in this journal once or twice a year. I basically just write a long and detailed summary of what is going on in my life at that point in time. It is so interesting for me to pick up every now and then and read through all of the passages.
Since I was 19, so much has changed (least of all my handwriting - yikes, I wrote sloppy when I was younger!). Most importantly, I can look back through these journal entries and see how much I have matured in my faith and my walk with the Lord.
It took me a while to truly learn that God is in control. When I was younger, I often wrote about MY plans for the future, even going so far as to write out a timeline of when certain big events in life needed to occur by the time I reached a certain age.
As you might imagine, my life did not exactly follow the plan I had laid out for myself. By this time I think I was supposed to already have 3 kids and my doctoral degree and be a professor at WKU. (Yes, this was all part of my actual timeline!) Ha!
I am so incredibly glad and grateful that God has taught me patience and trust in Him through His plan for my life. Through all of my struggles and trials, God has continually shined through and taught me that not only is He in control, but that He has greater plans for me than I could have ever imagined on my own.
There are so many issues that I deal with throughout this journal - issues with parents, friendships, dating, losing loved ones, marriage, and pregnancy. It is a collection of my vulnerable thoughts and feelings throughout the many ups and downs of my life so far. And my hope and prayer is that one day I can share it with Amelia.
I hope to be able to give it to her when she turns 19 (the journal will be 30 years old by then!) so that she can possibly use it to navigate through her own struggles.
(Here I go making plans again -- maybe I didn't completely learn my lesson after all!)
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