The story of how Jesus saved me is not like one you have heard before. I wasn't in a church or revival service. I wasn't anywhere near anything remotely resembling church.
I was 13 years old, and it was the summer between my freshman and sophomore year of high school. I was away at basketball camp for a week in northern Kentucky. The entire week I had feelings of being lonely and I stayed withdrawn from the team. I wasn't sure what was bothering me, but something was really weighing heavy on me. I don't remember what made me start thinking about it, but I couldn't stop wondering where I would end up if I died. Was I going to go to heaven or hell? I had grown up in a Methodist church my entire life. I knew about Jesus and I had no reason to think that I deserved to go to hell, but what was really weighing on my mind and heart was this question: what had I done to deserve to go to heaven?
On the bus ride home, I was listening to a Nirvana CD on my discman. Yes, I was being that emo teenager listening to grunge rock. This is the part of the story that is hard to explain, so bare with me. As I was listening to the songs, I felt like the lyrics were talking about me. Here are the names of the first few songs:
About a Girl
Come as You Are
Jesus Doesn't Want Me for a Sunbeam
Okay, that one really got me thinking. Does Jesus want me? Does He even know me? Do I even know Him?
Several songs later and many miles down the road, I heard the song that completely scared me to my core. It was called Lake of Fire. Here are some of the lyrics:
Where do bad folks go when they die? They don't go to heaven where the angels fly. They go to a lake of fire and fry. See them again on the fourth of July.
Okay, don't ask me why I was listening to this kind of crazy music at 13 years old. Maybe I was influenced by friends or family members, who knows. But I think God knew that this is exactly the kind of music I was supposed to be listening to at this exact time in my life....because listening to this music made me truly question my salvation.
I got off the bus and came home that evening. My family was expecting their happy-go-lucky daughter/sister to come home and report all of the exciting things that happened at basketball camp that week. Keep in mind that his was before cell phone days, so they had not heard from me all week. Instead, they were greeted with a complete emotional basket-case! I could not stop crying and telling them that I didn't know if I was going to heaven. My heart was broken. I was scared and confused.
I can't remember who suggested it - it may have been my mom or I may have just decided to do it on my own, but I called a good friend of mine whose father was a Baptist preacher. I had gone to several church services with their family, and I felt like she would be someone I could talk to about what I was going through.
Throughout the phone call, I continued to be very upset and my heart felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. My friend told me the story of when she was saved, and she said she had been feeling the exact same way I was. I asked her what was I supposed to do, and she said I needed to pray. I needed to go to the Lord and tell Him about my fear. I needed to ask Him to save me. I needed to ask him to come into my heart and be my Savior.
I hung up the phone with her and found a quiet place in my house. I began to pray urgently, fervently, begging God to take away my fear and to come into my heart and be my Savior.
It is hard to put into words the amazing feeling that happened next. All of a sudden, those burdened feelings that were weighing on my heart were lifted. The tears of despair stopped rolling down my cheeks. It almost felt like God had wrapped his arms around me in a warm embrace and let me know that I was His forever. I had never been so happy as I was in that moment.
So that is my story of how I came to be a Christian. My journey since that day has had many ups and many downs, but God has remained the same. He is my rock, my redeemer, my comforter, and my Savior. Forever.
Sharing my testimony is on my list of things to do before I turn 30. But I should have shared this story on Day 1 of my blog because being a Christian is my identity. Being saved by Christ is the most important thing I could ever share with anyone. I've never been scared to share Christ with you - I'm proud to share my Jesus with anyone who wants Him in their heart! But I think I've been scared to share my story because it is the most intimate moment I've ever had with God, and because it is so precious and sacred to me, I'm afraid to share it with others and be mocked. But I shall have no fear, for He is with me.
So the question that had been weighing me down - what had I done to deserve to go to heaven? The answer was, of course, NOTHING. And that is what terrified me. It was JESUS who did something so that I would go to heaven. He died on the cross for me. He bore my sins so that if I believed in Him, I would not spend eternity in hell, but I would spend eternity in heaven with Him. He died for me and He died for you. If you do not know Him, my prayer for you is to seek Him. Let Him be your Savior too.
1 comment:
What a beautiful testimony! Thank you for sharing :)
xo
summer
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